davidvincentmiles.com

“Why Colorado?”

About eight months ago, people asked me this question on an almost daily basis. Everyone had their own theory, but at the top of my short list of reasons, rested this one:

I’m not ready.

Ready for what, you ask? Well, that will take some explaining.

I am the problem

Years ago, I decided to bring more consciousness to my life. Up until that point, I ran on “mental automatic pilot”: doing what felt good, or easy, but not really going anywhere in life. I blamed the suckiness of jobs or the thoughtless actions of women for my semi-frequent bouts with unhappiness. Assuming a victim mindset like that will only take you, as my friend Ron says, to “a dark place”. So, I shed that mindset, checked my ego in at the door and took up a new mantra, simply and eloquently stated by Mel Gibson in Ransom:

I am the problem.

By taking ownership of the problem, I then freed myself to find a solution. Attempting the impossible task of bending the world to meet my own narrow needs only led to pain. But, transforming myself into someone able to coax the world into giving me what I want…that leads to greatness. Thus began the “Dave Renaissance”. I changed everything: the way I dressed, the way I acted, the way talked…the way I thought. As the change accelerated, the world began to deliver to me what I wanted. Things started to fall into place. But, I still had one major problem:

I started way, WAY too late.

How to castrate yourself in 5 easy steps

I mean that both in terms of life as a whole…and the family jewels (and for guys, our lives REVOLVE around our family jewels). For men in particular, if you want to end up alone, if you want to never spend a hot, torrid night in throes of passion, then follow these five easy steps:

1. Play way too many video games – Give a guy a way to reach higher and higher levels by manipulating the system and you’ll have hooked him for life. Unfortunately, he won’t HAVE a life, either. Look, I love video games as much as the next person. I make them for a living. But, after reading this quote, my fervour for video games calmed itself forever: “Live by the joystick, die by the joystick”
2. When not playing video games, program them instead – Or surf the web. Or chat online. All activities that burn up time and leave little to show for it. Worst, most of them only require you to sit alone in your apartment. But, NEWSFLASH! That hot girl you want? SHE’S NOT IN YOUR APARTMENT! If she were, you wouldn’t be glued to the screen…you’d be glued to her.
3. Have an unhealthy obsession with fantasy and science fiction – In middle school, I spent time in social circles that traded fantasy and science fiction books back and forth. Yes, I even played some D&D. Unsurprisingly, all of these social circles consisted of mostly the same people, none of them female. This must have stunted my growth for YEARS.
4. Lose yourself in anime, movies or TV – Anime. So many good, young men, lives full of potential, fall prey to this massive time sink. Yes, it contains many brilliantly written stories, easily out-doing most movies and network TV. Yes, Japanese composers are the shiznit. But if you don’t ration the stuff, hours of your life will disappear, you can’t ever get them back. I could say the exact same thing about movies and TV.

Or, p0rn for that matter.

5. Waste precious minutes, hours, days, months and years pining over a woman you can’t get – The most cardinal of sins. I’ve committed this sin so egregiously that I should just burst into flames at random. A walking hell.

   For those currently making the same mistake, look….she already SAID no. So, why stick around? Instead, try addressing the issue(s) that she found repulsive. Note I didn’t say try “fixing those issues”. You may not necessarily have a problem, per se. Experience has shown me that it takes some women time before they can accurately judge a guy’s character. And, some are just bats&!# crazy. Still, that doesn’t change the fact that you currently act as a girl repellent. Focus on figuring out WHY rather than complaining about HER. Doing so puts you in the position of finding a much BETTER “her” later.

   One last bit of advice: walking around moaning and groaning over a girl you can’t get with is the LEAST effective way of getting a new one.

Now, where was I? Oh yes,…castration.

So, if you complete all these steps, then congratulations, you have successfully rendered yourself impotent. You will rarely, if ever, see breasts. Again, please note that most of these activities don’t require much socializing…at best, a sausage party. That will NOT help you build a good foundation for future growth.

Where I should be now

So, I screwed up. I didn’t do the right things at the right time. I started the race when I should have been in the middle of it, leaving me deficient in several aspects of my life:

1. Business – I went to college right before the Internet bubble burst. During this time period, VCs threw money at young entrepreneurs like me in the hopes of riding our technical skills to the land of milk and honey. Instead of taking advantage of this, I sat in my dorm room participating in mental masturbation exercises like writing compilers, database engines, FTP servers and game clones. Had I done things right, at this point, after having sold two previous companies to Google and Microsoft respectively, I should have millions to invest in my dream: running an animation studio on par with the creativeness of Pixar.

   But, I didn’t. And, I don’t.

2. Passive income – Google Adsense, the king of all passive income sources, got its footing in the early 2000s. And, where was I? Almost CERTAINLY pissing time away by pining over a girl. Stupid. While other web gurus immediately began running PPC campaigns and using black hat techniques to game the system and acquire millions, Dave Miles sat wallowing in the dark abyss he created for himself.
3. Mental and physical improvements – (mental) I graduated college almost a decade ago, so in a nation that gets more multi-cultural by the second, why can I only speak one language fluently? And, considering I’ve spoken that language for over thirty one years, why do I still come across words I don’t recognize? Chemistry, biology, physics, politics, history, geography, literature…I should have already taken my knowledge in all these areas to the next level.

   (physical) Over a year ago in Atlanta, two men carrying sharp, blunt weapons forced their way into an couple’s home. After subduing the husband, they then made him watch as they strong-armed his wife into performing lewd, sexual acts on them. After the ordeal, the husband said he felt like less of a man because he couldn’t stop the attackers.

   Now, faced with a similar situation, most men might think they could “man up” and handle the two intruders. But in reality, they couldn’t. Most women think their man could successfully face any physical threat to their family. But in reality, they can’t. Oh, some men might try…they would fight valiantly…but die quickly, leaving their wife and kids to the twisted ministrations of sick men.

   See, you can’t take muscles atrophied by the lack of continuous physical training, and then thrust them into a physically stressful situation. You can’t take a mind softened into a false sense of security by operating only within closed social circles, and then not expect it not to freeze up in the hostile jungle of reality. You can’t put a body unskilled in the ways of mortal combat into a two-on-one confrontation and have it come out in one piece. And for those who would think to hide behind a gun, a gun won’t help you if your untrained mind gets taken by surprise.

   Despite being in better shape than many of my computer programming brethren, I know that I still fall firmly in the “fight valiantly and die” camp. And, I find that unacceptable. My mind and body should have already experienced the “rebirth through pain” as promised by Gym Jones. I should already possess fighting skills, honed under the tutelage of Dog Brothers. How can I in good conscience make the promise to be with someone if I haven’t done my best to protect them from violence?

   (For the record ladies, I did not mean to sound sexist. I usually speak to men about this sort of thing, but I absolutely think women should learn how to defend themselves. If a two-on-one situation suddenly transforms into a two-on-two situation, your children now have a 100% better chance of surviving the night.)

4. A (female!) life partner – Over the years, “unseen forces” have blessed me by bringing some truly great women into my life. Unfortunately, for the ones who gave me the privilege of dating them, my “unreadiness” sabotaged, and in some cases destroyed, the potential for any long term prospects. A particularly tragic instance of this occurred with a woman whom we will just call “Lisa”. Brought together by the threads of family and friendship, in a meeting seemingly designed by fate, “Lisa” and I met each other during a time of tumultuous transition in both our lives. Without her efforts, I would not have successfully made many of the improvements I wanted to. She made an investment in me that, even as a friend, she didn’t HAVE to make; she just wanted to. As a girlfriend, “Lisa” acted as the perfect yin to my yang: her knowledge of pop-culture helped fill in the gaps of my primarily theoretical and technical background, she kept my head in sports when it kept trying to get lost in computers, a “160 degree” taste difference in movies acted as a constant balance to my own, a subtle ( and in the case of Kefir, not so subtle ) contrast in food preferences forced educating compromises, an entire music library almost completely opposite to mine kept my mind open and a choice of TV shows I initially rejected, I eventually came to really enjoy…with the exception of “The Hills”. (but, Cake Boss is AWESOME!) When you really love someone enough to keep an open mind, then moments of discrepancy and disparity turn into foundations for balance and growth. And, I have not grown more with anyone other than “Lisa”.

   Perhaps, after judging me worthy enough, “unseen forces” and fate will conspire to bring another special woman my way. I don’t know. But to all the gentlemen, let me say this: NEVER underestimate the value of a woman willing to compromise for you and whom, even on your terms, will patiently put your desires first. If only for when that one special woman comes along, you want to “be ready”.

For some, the above list sounds a bit crazy. However, I don’t just want to hit the usual benchmarks in the usual way. I want to give my family something unique….well beyond the norm. And, that means trying to aim higher.

Desperate times call for desperate measures

I left Atlanta because I have little time left to get to the place I want to be. I needed to change my environment, so I could change myself. Additionally, as a person whom will probably spend his life creating things out of thin air, I felt like I needed to see more and do more in an effort to open my mind to new ideas. I had to “shake things up” NOW because I’m 31 and running out of time to get it all together.

Despite a few detours, at this point, things have progressed nicely and I stand poised to make another major change. I need to keep moving because for one, I’m old and two, I set a strict time frame, forcing me to stay on task. If by 33, I can live comfortably on passive income, feel strong in mind and body and have the support of a nice girl, I will (finally) be a happy man.